letting go.

guys,

have you ever wonder hows your funeral gonna be?

esp when it comes to the moment when you feel unappreciated.

previously, i think that people will provide less attention for you until the only thing that you left is your name.

funfact, it wont even last for more than a month. 3 months top.

several years ago when i was drowned living in loneliness, this silly question ever crossed my mind, justifying how desperate i was for having no one. i looked over my shoulder, wondering all my friends (or even people who i assumed as so) and everyone that i expected were always there since i did the same towards them, but life just being cruel as it supposed to. since expectation kills.

that time, nothing i can do but cursing them and telling myself that it will be all their loss when i'm gone later.

like there will be no one can treat them better like me.

Tay said it best "i promise that you'll never find another like me"

yang setelah dipikirpikir makin kesini kaya "apasih sid jiji banget wakak"

whatever happened, sun will always shining, birds will keep flying and chirping, jakarta bakal tetep macet dan bekasi bakal tetep terik. nothing can change them esp just because that you're leaving this world.

sebelumnya gua ngga berpikir demikian just for the sake of my self-esteem, for knowing that the people i lost is not my loss, cause i hope that mindset will help me to let go of everything that not belong to me.

but lately i realized, that i cant expect something eternal in this life that even temporary.

people come, people go. thats the way it is.

so i re-read my previous post and it feels good to be reminded that i have no control over universe and all i can do just live the moment and enjoy what i have now.

if youve been losing for something, let them.

if you already did your part well but somehow you still unable to gain them, let them.

if someone wants to leave, let them.

the thing that will always stick on my mind is as below;

"if something does belong to you, it will be yours even if you dont give some effort to do so.

but if something doesnt belongs to you, no matter how hard you try to keep them, theyre not yours to lose."

those something can be an item you have, or a dream job that you always pray for, or even someone you love, it might be everything.

but also speaking of people, how come you expect someone to stay still when we're a dynamic creatures?

"jangan berubah ya"

"tetep jadi seseorang yang aku kenal ya"
bullshits.

satusatunya hal yang konstan dalam hidup ini ya perubahan.

jadi kalo misalnya emang ada seseorang yang lo harap akan tetap sama but turns out theyre just become someone different - either theyre stop pretending or yaudah masanya udah selesai.

karna kalo dipikirpikir lagi, let go ngga sesulit itu kok.

you have no control over universe.

it will helps you to live your life in lightweight.

goodluck.