time flies.

its funny to remember how several years could change some situation, condition, or even a person and some people, yet your surroundings.

currently im listening to Dead Friends by Demi Lovato, and i take my time to do the recall.

2024 about to end and im on my thirties now, yet theres a lot of season changing and so does people in my life.

gua buka Drive personal gua yang isinya foto-foto lama yang gua compile dan gua simpen, or even my Facebook profile that for me sebenernya lebih ke album foto instead of akun sosial media.

kalo diinget-inget lagi beneran bikin sedih sih.

i look over those photos, their faces, reminiscing the moments, when i think that stuff called friendship will lasts longer.

we had the time of our lives. i had the time of my life.

and those days really counts.

way back then we promised each other to be there for one another, while now we are not seeing the same sun anymore.

mungkin memang ada beberapa pertemanan yang disebabkan karna satu dan lain hal yang memang menyebabkan kita ngga bisa bareng-bareng lagi, tapi ngga sedikit juga orang-orang yang simply masanya udah ngga sama kita lagi, dan itu yang lebih nyelekit menurut gua.

like things went well, we were cool but universe just set us apart.

we may promised to stay in touch yet keep contact each other but istg it doesnt feel the same anymore.

we may still follow each other on Instagram but the excitement just went different.

ngerespon story aja udah syukur :")

plus, i still stand in my commitment to not marrying anyone while mostly of my old friends do.

they have their own life now while im still here on my own.

bahkan gua suka ada di titik yang kaya ironis sama diri sendiri, dengan kesadaran penuh i try to make friends with younger people dimana sebenernya era itu udah berlalu buat gua. like even now most of my friends havent reach their 30s yet.

mungkin mereka ngga mikirin hal ini but again the monster inside my head just went "look at you"

"how pathetic you are."

all is fun until i realized that somehow the energy is not the same anymore.

the way we see things, the way we respond, the way we act.

theyve been saying that age is just a number tapi celakanya it doesnt sometimes.

it affects things.

waktu terus berjalan dan tiba-tiba gua takut bagaimana kondisi pertemanan gua when im about to reach my 40s era. am i ready to be really lonely?

lah ini dalam jeda 10 tahun aja dari gua pertama nginjek usia 20an sampe skrg gua udah umur 30 udah berapa musim pertemanan gua lewatin dengan orang-orang yang berbeda, and in the end of the day i know that i only have my own feet to stand in the solid ground.

i mean lets go back to 5-10 years ago.

i might not at the top of the world, but everything felt just enough.

i might not having everything, but i never felt less.

i wasnt okay, i have my friends.

i felt so much joy, i have my friends.

i need some help, i seek my friends.

even when life do me wrong and im dying, i seek my friends.

and that makes me feel enough.

im not saying that my current friends not doing the same thing, but idk it just felt different.

it just, i missed my old friends.

and i hate the fact that even kita coba arrange waktu buat catchup, ketemuan, and then when we finally do, the energy just felt different.

totally different.

kaya mana kalian yang dulu? 

mana kita yang dulu?

sekarang gua dengerin Used To Be Young-nya Miley, and i cant hold my tears.

i missed my 20s era.

i missed my dead friends.