eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

It was last night, i randomly shuffled my playlist on Spotify then i heard Mine by Kelly Clarkson.

As usual the bridge will always hit me emotionally, and all went as usual until this line:

"eternal sunshine on a spotless mind"

gua baru inget kalo gue sering banget denger terms ini cuma selalu mager buat figure out what that means essentially, dan akhirnya gua langsung cetjipiti rightaway ~

and heres what i found,

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a phrase originally from a poem by Alexander Pope, titled Eloisa to Abelard. In the poem, it refers to a state of perfect, untroubled happiness—where the mind is clear of any regrets, worries, or past pain. The phrase "spotless mind" suggests a mind that is free of any stains or blemishes, such as sorrow or negative memories.

In the context of the 2004 movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the title takes on a more layered meaning. The film explores the idea of erasing painful memories from one's mind in an attempt to achieve emotional peace, but it also questions whether forgetting the past is truly the best way to find happiness. Ultimately, the film suggests that both the good and bad memories are part of what shapes our identity and experience of love.

So, in short, the phrase reflects an idealized, perfect state of the mind, free from pain or regret—but the movie suggests that such a state might not necessarily be the path to true happiness.

uhm okay.

hahahahaha.

i have no idea about the movie itself tbh.

okay so today is the 28th day of 2025.

and i can tell that im about to start everything new since the new year started.

bukan hanya karna tahun berganti, tapi karna usia gua pun bertambah.

and fyi 2023-2024 i can tell gua bukan di masa masa terbaik gua, cenderung terjun bebas lol.
dari daily basis dirumah yang selalu jadi weekly concerns, freelance gua yang somehow ngga jelas, romance life pun fucked-up.

However di Q4 kemarin gua bener-bener coba apa yang gua bisa untuk bisa move and start over everything cause it was too painful.

semuanya samar dan kabur di mata gua, uncertainty lies.

Puji Tuhan, He leads me and willing to provide new way and new chances for me.

January 5th right after im turning 31, i flew out of Jakarta.

again, today is the 28th day of 2025.

am currently assigned to a remote area in Nusa Tenggara Barat.

takes me twenty mins to the nearest minimarket and an hour to the downtown.

but im so damn grateful for what i have now on my plate.

tempat tinggal gua nyaman, lingkungan gua sejauh ini nyaman, backlog kerjaan yang lumayan numpuk yang somehow needs to be sorted (well thats the reason why they hired me i guess lol) tapi semuanya masih bearable.

i can tell that God really provide me new chances for me.

so lets go back to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

its so damn relieving that slowly im able to leave all the pain, disappointment, failure.

im trying to collect all the broken pieces to make me whole again.

things not went as fluid as how it is in the city.

gua ngga bilang environment dimana gua berada sekarang itu sempurna, karna masih banyak juga yang perlu dibenahi apalagi dalam aspek kerjaan.

but again today is the 28th day of 2025 and i have no regrets at all.

im so so so grateful.

sebenernya kalo boleh jujur, banyak juga yang gua relakan during kepindahan gua kesini.

but Taylor Swift said it really well:

"cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned

everything you lose is a step you take"

i lost my friend(s) again hahaha.

even right several hours sebelum gua terbang.

and i remember oomf once said:

"whats the risk of being adults? losing things."

really, when i enter the aircraft, i really try my best to make peace with all things i lose, dari 2023 sampe di 4 Januari 2025. gua beneran mencoba untuk berdamai.

playlist gua mellow terus sampe take-off, dan isi kepala gua terlalu ramai selama gua terbang.

im proud of myself but i know its terrifying to predict whats coming.

i dare myself to know that im not brave enough to see whats next.

i cry a lot since i lose a lot.

but i knew it will be easier for me to move on if i can make peace with all the causes of my bruised.

then all i do is try and try and try to believe in myself and believe in what God has prepared for me on the island i was heading to.

lowkey i was wonder if forgetting the past is truly the best way to find happiness, but later i know that we all are always working for our peace of mind everyday anyway.

life will always shits on you by any chance.

sampe pas akhirnya gua nginjek Praya, i know that new things are coming.

i know that new life is coming.

i know that new me is coming.